Today, I discovered my boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant though, my roommate is. FML

by Amy / 05/19/2010 at 4:19pm / Love

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

by GrossedOutKary / 05/19/2010 at 3:20pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

by phukt / 05/19/2010 at 2:42pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2010 at 1:03pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

by during / 05/19/2010 at 8:12am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

by likesboys / 05/19/2010 at 8:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2010 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

by MisterT / 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said "tall guys" are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML

by tallwoman / 05/18/2010 at 2:57pm / Denmark (Arhus) / Health

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

by Dana422 / 05/18/2010 at 1:22am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

by Babygirl / 05/17/2010 at 7:01pm / Love

Today, me and a couple of friends decided to go camping in a national park . When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

by Coyote / 05/17/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

by Zapped / 05/17/2010 at 7:09am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous