Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

by WhiteLiar / 03/03/2010 at 8:26pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 7:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

by DUMMIE / 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 4:40pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML

by uHazFailedTotall / 03/03/2010 at 4:18pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

by ROLLY / 03/03/2010 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

by pothole / 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I'm a 15 year old boy who is bald. Why am I bald? My little brother thought it would be funny to put glue in my hair gel. FML

by M95 / 03/03/2010 at 2:11pm / Norway (More og Romsdal) / Kids

Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to be a man and deal with it. FML

by brokenarm / 03/03/2010 at 11:46am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Health

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

by Username / 03/03/2010 at 11:34am / Health

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

by Sorry / 03/03/2010 at 11:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my throat is really swollen so I can only drink liquid. I noticed home-made ice-lollies in the freezer and had one. It tasted funny. Turns out my little brother had peed in one of those ice-lolly box and put it in the freezer. FML

by icegirl38 / 03/03/2010 at 10:09am / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

by Carrie / 03/03/2010 at 8:21am / United States / Love