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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

#6839126
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8014) - you deserved it (36835)

On 12/20/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

#6838288
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5673) - you deserved it (44009)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by Poser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

#6838088
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22200) - you deserved it (3928)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by omglifee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

#6837157
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12209) - you deserved it (27034)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Stella (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

#6836721
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27136) - you deserved it (8549)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

#6836153
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26611) - you deserved it (3195)

On 12/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by chrono64 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML

#6832794
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30595) - you deserved it (2812)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by neednewfriends (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

#6831944
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9117) - you deserved it (39903)

On 12/19/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Jrlloyd013 (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

#6831134
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32831) - you deserved it (2336)

On 12/19/2009 at 4:44pm - animals - by googly191 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

#6829701
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33009) - you deserved it (3398)

On 12/19/2009 at 3:10pm - money - by heatproblems (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

#6826579
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9844) - you deserved it (44266)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by Anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

#6826046
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36395) - you deserved it (3638)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:15am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27685) - you deserved it (6929)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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