Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

by ams / 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

by argh / 03/12/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my new neighbours came over to introduce themselves. I open the door to see my ex-husband, with a horrified look on his face, and his girlfriend. FML

by abby0019 / 03/12/2010 at 7:08pm / Love

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 4:44pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health

Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML

by aloha / 03/12/2010 at 4:17pm / Love

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 3:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex wife. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 12:24pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 11:55am / United Kingdom (Swansea) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriends parents. I hope my charm and smile was enough for them to forgive me for not wearing pants. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 11:55am / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, I decided to wear my Ugg boots to work. I forgot that my office is carpeted and that the fur in my boots makes me shock every metal thing I touch. I work with computers all day. FML

by jewel87 / 03/12/2010 at 11:39am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

by steakysteak / 03/12/2010 at 10:06am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML

by justlittleoldme / 03/12/2010 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love