Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

#355995
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64645) - you deserved it (4459)

On 03/15/2009 at 8:49pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

#350139
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66034) - you deserved it (22439)

On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107643) - you deserved it (15202)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16471) - you deserved it (70036)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (468940) - you deserved it (23779)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

bm's comment : Don't worry about her... You'll find a less stupid girl easily...

See all the comments →

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

#339773
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107075) - you deserved it (6593)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

#334841
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59930) - you deserved it (14674)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

#334298
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55950) - you deserved it (8792)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by sad45 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

#334226
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53813) - you deserved it (17763)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by marsbar (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

#334008
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86533) - you deserved it (4727)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by chefdujour (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

#333810
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49192) - you deserved it (19607)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by fire (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

#333787
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72832) - you deserved it (38029)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:45am - intimacy - by 12incher (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

#333597
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52912) - you deserved it (13366)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:32am - work - by Bubbah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: