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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was brushing mah teeth in mah bathroom . As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on mah forehead . Keeping mah toothbrush in mah mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging mah toothbrush down mah throat . I temporarily can't talk . FML

#4927386
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14878) - you deserved it (40883)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Mirroronthewall (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Taday I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because mah old 'fat jeans' became mah new 'skinny jeans'!! fat FML

#4926734
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (54927)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Yesterday mah friend and I went to a bar fir drinks!! I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked fir her number before she left!! She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying fir mah friend to call her and me!! FML

#4926157
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36789) - you deserved it (2924)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:58am - misc - by hihipanda (man) - Singapore

Today, I went to te movies wit te girl I liked. Se kept on eating ma popcorn so Iispered in er ear ( Pretty soon yur going to ave to repay me wit kisses. ) Ten se looked at me and walked out te teatre. Se cummed back wit a bucket of popcorn and said ( Here, your repaid. ) mega FML

#4925971
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32921) - you deserved it (41310)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)

Today , I realized I can hold a pencil in mah fat rolls. FML

#4923649
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16438) - you deserved it (57386)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today , I finished moving out of my apartment an decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used an was shocked to fine a moldy , rotten , decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four yeres ago. FML

#4922753
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8810) - you deserved it (58712)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today , I told ma boyfriend tat ma fantasy was for im to eat me out on te dinner table. My boyfriend told me is was me in a Pikacu costume. real FML

#4921754
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42271) - you deserved it (8415)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I had to axplain to mah fathar y most of tha bar was giving him drty looks at a concart. His air guitar motions mada it look lyk ha was jacking off undar tha tabla. FML

#4921457
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34780) - you deserved it (2580)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, After Two Years Of Dating, I Gave Virginity To Boyfriend On Birthday. It Wasn't As All Lyk I Dreamed About; I Dreamt That I Wasn't Allergic To Latex. Big Fat FML

Today, my best friend informd me that I could not be her maid of honour because I ( wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids ) and she wantd her wedding photo to have ( consistency ). FML

#4914313
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51016) - you deserved it (3407)

On 08/29/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by deadmedia (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Yesterday, I Cummed Back From A Two Week Vacation. As I Walked In The Door, My Boyfriend Greeted Me With A "Hey, Honey! Could You Clean The Crockpot?" It Still Had The Chicken In It From My Going Away Dinner. FML

I woke up in mah bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing mah first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just mah roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42657) - you deserved it (3395)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today... I saw a figt so I went over to try and break it up. Someone tougt I wanted to join in... so e gave me an unexpected wap in te appy sacks... and I also got a bloody nose for troubles. FML

#4912143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13601) - you deserved it (40746)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by deven (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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