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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

#5482819
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32855) - you deserved it (2874)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at a club, I walked up to a cutie who had been eyeing me all night. I asked him "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". He simply replied "It's a phone" before walking away. FML

#5482738
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7979) - you deserved it (46601)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by desperate (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

#5481614
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37041) - you deserved it (4834)

On 09/26/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by pygmalion (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7752) - you deserved it (59095)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

#5480750
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34678) - you deserved it (5901)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:00am - misc - by vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

#5480161
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36396) - you deserved it (5906)

On 09/26/2009 at 3:01am - work - by zawbentley - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#5479832
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4693) - you deserved it (67335)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by scarlet5000 (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

#5479094
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15397) - you deserved it (61029)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:34am - love - by bigdawg702 (man) - United States

allmidnighteyes's comment : On your first date, did you rub her belly and say, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed"?

See all the comments →

Today, my football team played in a game against our rival school that was just a few blocks away. We hadn't lost the game in exactly 49 years, we were playing for the 50th year win. We lost 63-0, and got booed off the field by our own crowd. FML

#5478797
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19077) - you deserved it (35013)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Fmycar - United States (California)

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

#5477011
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29357) - you deserved it (18021)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:47pm - health - by snottyface (woman) - United States

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

#5476343
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41766) - you deserved it (3173)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:15pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

#5471133
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13580) - you deserved it (31011)

On 09/25/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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