Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

by lifesuck / 09/19/2010 at 10:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

by messyfamily / 09/19/2010 at 3:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

by jillydark6609 / 09/19/2010 at 2:21am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 1:38am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 12:27am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

by Gabby125 / 09/18/2010 at 10:54pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 8:36pm / Austria (Tirol) / Money

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

by anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 8:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my husband told me he had been cheating on me for the past 8 months. Twenty minutes later, he asked me what was for dinner. FML

by fmldailyyy / 09/18/2010 at 7:13pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 10:41am / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Transportation

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

by streeted / 09/18/2010 at 10:27am / United States / Money

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Health