Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

by Th3BaconNinja / 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

by Mandy / 06/07/2010 at 3:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Love

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

by flipflop / 06/07/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

by soccerbooty / 06/07/2010 at 2:43am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend lied about crashing his car just to avoid seeing me. FML

by gixxergirl8787 / 06/06/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

by mark / 06/06/2010 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

by LilyL / 06/06/2010 at 5:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

by Annakins / 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

by duko3000 / 06/06/2010 at 1:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

by CrazzY88s / 06/06/2010 at 12:00pm / Ireland (Cork) / Love

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

by justdancebbyx3 / 06/06/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

by ugh / 06/05/2010 at 7:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

by SlickMcK / 06/05/2010 at 5:14pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy