Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

by pissedexworker / 12/18/2010 at 10:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

by unattractive / 12/18/2010 at 4:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

by anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:11am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:03am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

by Pouya / 12/18/2010 at 1:03am / United States / Work

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

by lizard / 12/18/2010 at 12:56am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

kwintalamillah's comment : seriously, whose fault is that? --'

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Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 10:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 8:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

squirell_AIDS69's comment : At least it's first class vag, not that coach vag.

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Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 7:02pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 12:30pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 12:08pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy