Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

by pottyhostage / 11/08/2010 at 4:26pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

by beforegirl / 11/08/2010 at 4:11pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

null's comment : So you're the "before", but not the "after"? Are you trying to tell me... that an internet advertiser is making false claims?!

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Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

by pixie09 / 11/08/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

by Anon / 11/08/2010 at 1:34pm / Singapore / Health

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

by wow / 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 1:16pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 12:11pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals

Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:48am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:47am / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

by facingit / 11/08/2010 at 5:32am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 4:50am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

by lambxox / 11/08/2010 at 4:04am / United States / Miscellaneous