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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

#1056557
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86226) - you deserved it (3809)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by wellesleybanana (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

#1056544
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54186) - you deserved it (6226)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

#1054756
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73369) - you deserved it (5714)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

#1054716
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25036) - you deserved it (41742)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8438) - you deserved it (80027)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10448) - you deserved it (56656)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

#1051780
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62365) - you deserved it (14481)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

#1051397
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79814) - you deserved it (4261)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

#1050396
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59834) - you deserved it (6589)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

#1050390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38945) - you deserved it (6323)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

#1048842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62870) - you deserved it (10195)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

#1047922
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14954) - you deserved it (69848)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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