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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

#4837442
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47861) - you deserved it (4111)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while at an amusement park my husband left me to walk with all of our friends because he said that I moved too slow. I'm pregnant. FML

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

#4835743
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44581) - you deserved it (3209)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by 1nfected (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

#4833431
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14472) - you deserved it (42095)

On 08/26/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by diapermommy (woman) - United States

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

#4832941
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14154) - you deserved it (105034)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead-mouse water for the past week. FML

#4830976
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53070) - you deserved it (10054)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by hantavirus (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

#4829994
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65348) - you deserved it (4525)

On 08/26/2009 at 3:09am - love - by micahmatt (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

#4829137
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17903) - you deserved it (46912)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by technologyfail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

#4827705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63298) - you deserved it (3533)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

#4827023
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9341) - you deserved it (61924)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by brokennose (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

#4826832
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33032) - you deserved it (16350)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Raaar (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

#4826792
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8871) - you deserved it (36157)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML

#4823053
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48664) - you deserved it (5945)

On 08/25/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by offendedfemme (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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