Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 2:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

by me / 11/12/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

by Bob / 11/11/2010 at 10:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

by hot4donny / 11/11/2010 at 9:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 8:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 4:40pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Money

Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles, when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML

by me / 11/11/2010 at 1:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

by jordanss / 11/11/2010 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

by MrsKSB / 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous