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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

#6378633
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9772) - you deserved it (19597)

On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

#6378315
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8979) - you deserved it (34869)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

#6377589
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7791) - you deserved it (15353)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:36am - misc - by starstruck (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

#6377568
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29841) - you deserved it (2963)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:30am - love - by ApparentlyIFail (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (4964)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

#6377384
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30358) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44501) - you deserved it (7178)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

#6377275
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8975) - you deserved it (41373)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

#6374426
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (2158)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

#6373189
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24333) - you deserved it (5542)

On 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm - health - by Mondo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my new Blackberry Curve sitting on my lunch tray. Unthinkingly, i tossed it into the garbage can. 10 minutes later i realized I had thrown it away and spent the next hour searching through six garbage cans of half-eaten food. FML

#6372164
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7371) - you deserved it (27499)

On 11/19/2009 at 6:37pm - misc - by gravycoveredblackberry (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it- and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

#6371102
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10418) - you deserved it (33043)

On 11/19/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by Earths_Venus (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

#6370061
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29553) - you deserved it (8275)

On 11/19/2009 at 4:14pm - kids - by mizzy (woman) - United States



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