Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 2:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 10:36am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 6:46am / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Health

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 5:41am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

by The Lone Ranger / 10/05/2010 at 3:43am / United States / Work

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

by danrocketman / 10/05/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

by June / 10/05/2010 at 12:47am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my car was stolen. I got it back later without the engine, any of the wheels or my brand new radio and speakers. They even took my car mats. FML

by Ro / 10/04/2010 at 10:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

by ugh / 10/04/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

SirWhatsHisFace's comment : I bet your throat hurts from crashing into his pole ;)

See all the comments

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

by ifpigsflew / 10/04/2010 at 7:31pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

by kat101 / 10/04/2010 at 6:11pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy