Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

by jacky tu / 10/15/2010 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told I look like Susan Boyle. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 6:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 3:10pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 1:15pm / Nepal / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

by nick92 / 10/15/2010 at 12:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

by IhatebeingtheDD / 10/15/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 9:03am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

by ziatenaj / 10/15/2010 at 6:52am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

by fmlforreal / 10/15/2010 at 4:33am / Singapore / Geek