Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 12:39pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 10:33am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 5:19am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by hollysofly / 01/15/2011 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:22am / Germany (Sachsen) / Transportation
Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Health
aback's comment : It kind of takes away from the sacrifice if you're going to bitch about how you look.
Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 12:52am / United States / Intimacy
by Zmeilerr / 01/15/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
letsgetouttahere's comment : It's probably cause you're one of those people who posts a status like this everyday..
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by inchetogb / 01/14/2011 at 11:24pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by Gabriel A / 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
ridder215's comment : Ew.