Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

by Username / 09/12/2010 at 10:46am / Intimacy

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 10:04am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

by mrsfantastic / 09/12/2010 at 10:02am / United Kingdom / Love

yeahthatsrite's comment : dump that asshole

See all the comments

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

by concernedson / 09/12/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML

by roachblend / 09/12/2010 at 4:00am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Animals

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

by ihatemyjob / 09/12/2010 at 3:23am / Canada / Work

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

by stood-up / 09/12/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

by ewmomew / 09/12/2010 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 10:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

by fmlimoverit / 09/11/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 5:46pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health