Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, after some filing mistakes, and a lot of waiting on hold, I'm finally registered for Spring classes. I was ready to enjoy this term, until I found out that my ex, who was forced into therapy after he threatened to kill me, is in half of my classes. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML
by mel / 01/18/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Love
Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML
by MCKilllerrr / 01/18/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love
by No O-face / 01/17/2011 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
ryanst's comment : Since when was fingering called a hand job?
by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Love
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Health
DocBastard's comment : Sorry, but domestic abuse is not something you joke about. You should beat her for that. Er, discuss it.
Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / Belgium / Miscellaneous
iburppeopleup's comment : wow why would your mom even KNOW that?
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…