Today, I ran to catch the train, but slipped on the stairs and fell on my shoulder. However, my effort was rendered useless; it wasn't even my train. FML

by cmzraxsn / 12/11/2010 at 2:32pm / United Kingdom (East Lothian) / Transportation

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

by blueberry_hill / 12/11/2010 at 11:16am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids

FlashBurn's comment : Next you should try telling her that she can get pregnant from boys even touching her and are what happens. XD

See all the comments

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

by Marlon / 12/11/2010 at 3:18am / United States / Love

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

by immunizations / 12/11/2010 at 2:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

by RingRing / 12/11/2010 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

by unwed / 12/11/2010 at 1:56am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

by ShaunBomb / 12/11/2010 at 1:11am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

by caligirl921 / 12/11/2010 at 1:00am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:10am / Indonesia / Work