Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

by stupid / 12/21/2010 at 10:21am / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

by fail / 12/21/2010 at 4:38am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

amiemariej's comment : when you act like a bitch, expect to be treated like one

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Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

by qwaynick / 12/21/2010 at 4:25am / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

by Username / 12/21/2010 at 12:09am / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

by morenita27 / 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm / Canada / Work

Psychotic_EGG's comment : ugh. I hate ignorant people.

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Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 5:26pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

by Chloe / 12/20/2010 at 1:08pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Doortje's comment : Rule #1 when starting a new job: don't be late. YDI.

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Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

by pinkfloyd777 / 12/20/2010 at 11:15am / Love