Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 5:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 2:03am / United States / Transportation

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

by Shepaintsmusic / 12/29/2010 at 1:50am / Health

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Kids

supaisu's comment : that's kind of cute? nerdy, yeah. but not terrible.

See all the comments

Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

by ewicsmelly / 12/28/2010 at 9:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

by whoawhoawhoa / 12/28/2010 at 5:04pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 4:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML

by Good 2 have friends. / 12/28/2010 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

by anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy''. Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 11:47am / Netherlands / Kids

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 10:39am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Transportation