Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2010 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

by alltimelove / 11/18/2010 at 10:34am / Animals

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

by pukishgirl / 11/18/2010 at 7:12am / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

by nevergonnatrust / 11/18/2010 at 4:23am / Intimacy

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

by race / 11/18/2010 at 3:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

by nottrustworthy / 11/18/2010 at 1:44am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

by twice-a-day / 11/18/2010 at 12:04am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 11:46pm / Australia (Tasmania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

mlleangelique's comment : Oh noes! You're seeing someone who doesn't fit ridiculously narrowly-defined stereotypes about what it means to be male! Poor you!

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Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

by embarrassed / 11/17/2010 at 9:31pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 8:42pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 2:08pm / United Kingdom / Kids