Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

by tenthousandspoon / 09/12/2010 at 8:08pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

by yeahno / 09/12/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

by Username / 09/12/2010 at 10:46am / Intimacy

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 10:04am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

by mrsfantastic / 09/12/2010 at 10:02am / United Kingdom / Love

yeahthatsrite's comment : dump that asshole

See all the comments

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

by concernedson / 09/12/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML

by roachblend / 09/12/2010 at 4:00am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Animals

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

by ihatemyjob / 09/12/2010 at 3:23am / Canada / Work

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

by stood-up / 09/12/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

by ewmomew / 09/12/2010 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 10:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

by fmlimoverit / 09/11/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Love