Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

by expassword / 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 3:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

by Olive14 / 12/16/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to him gratuitously stroking my breasts with his elbow. FML

by fckdsamaritan / 12/16/2010 at 2:35pm / Tunisia / Intimacy

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 12:07pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Kids

Today, I was helping a customer when she asked if we were open on Christmas eve. I wasn't sure, so I asked my manager. My manager looked me over and said, "Yes, we will be open. Thank you for volunteering to come in." FML

by adjk90 / 12/16/2010 at 12:06pm / United States / Work

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

by me / 12/16/2010 at 10:29am / Work

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 9:35am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Kids

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

by spleg / 12/16/2010 at 7:06am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Health

Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML

by xxmollyxx / 12/16/2010 at 6:54am / Sweden / Animals

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

by nukebroadcast / 12/16/2010 at 1:32am / United States (Nevada) / Health