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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

#21406781
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27177) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/08/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by McWhopper - United States (Massachusetts)

jesterinperil's comment : Rule number one: NEVER leave your reed on your mouthpiece.

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Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18067) - you deserved it (33936)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

anniemeece's comment : Maybe not so 100%?

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Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

#21406759
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25547) - you deserved it (3222)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23889) - you deserved it (6731)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

flowerfliff's comment : Wow i did nazi that coming

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Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13095) - you deserved it (34538)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30279) - you deserved it (2786)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

#21406668
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27349) - you deserved it (1807)

On 05/08/2015 at 8:46am - misc - by MedChew (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28644) - you deserved it (2628)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29043) - you deserved it (7323)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML

#21406350
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29444) - you deserved it (2238)

On 05/07/2015 at 6:22pm - love - by alaina2001 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

#21406339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27609) - you deserved it (2952)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:56pm - misc - by Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

#21406331
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16471) - you deserved it (24125)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm - money - by NevertheKool (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML



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