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Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

#21446754
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28159) - you deserved it (4694)

On 07/24/2015 at 10:04pm - kids - by Sad Mom - United States (Texas)

mog907's comment : He must have used too much glue on his sock puppets

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Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12653) - you deserved it (23650)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

MassiDelta's comment : YDI for being an idiot and a jerk.

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Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27784) - you deserved it (4748)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

JohnnyKade's comment : You must've beat that pussy up good...

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Today, I was hanging out with my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted to play Twister, and I said no because I thought it would be weird. What was his response? "C'mon. You can leave if it gets sexual". FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me serious shit because I couldn't name 10 Pokémon. He said he even considered dumping me. Glad to know he has his priorities straight. FML

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

#21446622
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (1794)

On 07/24/2015 at 4:08pm - work - by jb100 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

#21446581
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26744) - you deserved it (2747)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." 2 hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

#21446551
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21749) - you deserved it (4590)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Northern Mariana Islands

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing". The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

#21446532
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23978) - you deserved it (1405)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:24pm - work - by (-,..,-) (woman) - France

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24917) - you deserved it (2224)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

#21446500
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29350) - you deserved it (1647)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

#21446464
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24924) - you deserved it (1564)

On 07/24/2015 at 10:02am - work - by fishingforubies2 - Aruba

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

#21446439
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22383) - you deserved it (2087)

On 07/24/2015 at 7:58am - love - by Anonymous - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)



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