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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

#21433513
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23592) - you deserved it (1541)

On 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by CaptainFluffyPaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

#21433237
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (1516)

On 06/28/2015 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

hasooon's comment : The real FML is you working more then 12 hours a day.

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Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

#21433135
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23665) - you deserved it (3992)

On 06/28/2015 at 3:17am - misc - by fat and broke - United States (Washington)

tormcn's comment : You should have taken your nipple out. Make him question his sexuality.

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Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22405) - you deserved it (2113)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

tormcn's comment : I'm wondering why they would call? What were the questions in the first place? I'd like to hear a follow up.

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Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

#21433097
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24679) - you deserved it (2068)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:06am - love - by Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

#21432890
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24498) - you deserved it (4168)

On 06/27/2015 at 3:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

#21432863
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (1846)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25502) - you deserved it (3344)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

#21432849
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29668) - you deserved it (2297)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm - love - by isaidfuckoff (woman) - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

#21432817
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23196) - you deserved it (2409)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

#21432771
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25476) - you deserved it (3109)

On 06/27/2015 at 11:01am - misc - by anonynous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents heard about the decision to make same-sex marriage legal in all states. They're so outraged that they're even talking about getting a house in Canada. They're in for a surprise. FML

#21432698
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28939) - you deserved it (2301)

On 06/27/2015 at 5:38am - misc - by MovingtoCanada (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

#21432649
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26443) - you deserved it (1925)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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