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Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (2989)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Welshite's comment : I still call it duck tape because I use it to tape the mouths of quacking idiots like that guy. What a bird brain.

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Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34293) - you deserved it (2612)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

devildog562's comment : Tell her to apologize for being a useless ungrateful mother.

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Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33949) - you deserved it (2290)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

drbobbz's comment : Well, he thought you were there for a 6 inch!

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Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33623) - you deserved it (3412)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30885) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43198) - you deserved it (2702)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

#21351489
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28777) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/07/2015 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wirral)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27307) - you deserved it (5939)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

#21351395
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28791) - you deserved it (3044)

On 02/07/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by gali-ma (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47208) - you deserved it (3459)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

#21351356
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24549) - you deserved it (10218)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

#21351283
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (2068)

On 02/07/2015 at 12:13am - animals - by juliette (woman) - United States (New York)



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