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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28905) - you deserved it (4568)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

iShanny's comment : Wait, you're 19 and your mom seriously grounds you if she thinks you're having sex? Definitely an FML. Time to move out!

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Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

#21391444
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24849) - you deserved it (1837)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm - misc - by pukeytimes - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25843) - you deserved it (2831)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

lexiieeex3's comment : I'm sorry but who buys a garden gnome to "spice up their lawn"

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Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

#21391357
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27734) - you deserved it (3032)

On 04/10/2015 at 4:19pm - love - by undanya__four (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Jason89's comment : tell him you're ready to commit to have kids with him, only if he goes and fucks himself

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Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30022) - you deserved it (2113)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

#21391230
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3058)

On 04/10/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Crazy cat lady - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

Today, I went to a job interview. It would have been fine if I had remembered it was over the phone, and not in person. I drove two hours. FML

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

#21391103
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29424) - you deserved it (2118)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:28am - work - by jobless - United States (Colorado)

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

#21390911
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25497) - you deserved it (9259)

On 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm - misc - by Jakesssss - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27106) - you deserved it (4538)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

#21390746
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14179) - you deserved it (35967)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm - work - by Distracted (man) - United States (New Hampshire)



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