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Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

#21523006
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16853) - you deserved it (1581)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:04am - money - by ferret702 - United States (Nevada)

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18839) - you deserved it (1751)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)

haileyrows's comment : Unfortunately, that's not necessarily true because most rapists are after a feeling of power, not a gratifying sexual experience. But I suppose if Grandma is going to insult you at least she tried to put a positive spin on it!

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Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18564) - you deserved it (6524)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

fohfuucba's comment : I wonder why you fantasised about having sex with two guys, yet didn't expect them to sexually interact with each other. Bizarre.

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Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

#21522878
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20074) - you deserved it (1553)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Baustigt's comment : Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable if the medication had a catchy name, or a theme song. That's how advertisers get us to like stuff all the time. "Friendly Foam, your anal friend. Soft warm foam for a soft rear end."

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Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

#21522856
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20234) - you deserved it (3074)

On 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by sandra (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

#21522828
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18172) - you deserved it (4294)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19103) - you deserved it (1878)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

#21522776
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20201) - you deserved it (3400)

On 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by doodlecrzyMeg (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20275) - you deserved it (1499)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

#21522719
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20385) - you deserved it (1423)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:53am - intimacy - by concernedsis - United States (Georgia)

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

#21522710
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (2630)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:13am - work - by LL (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

#21522623
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19258) - you deserved it (1567)

On 02/03/2016 at 11:59pm - health - by FueledByFate - United States (Arizona)

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

#21522618
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19862) - you deserved it (1711)

On 02/03/2016 at 11:47pm - misc - by InDebt (man) - United States (West Virginia)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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