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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

#3651
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6849) - you deserved it (20705)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by pop_rox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18211) - you deserved it (6127)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15036) - you deserved it (2639)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17965) - you deserved it (4601)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

#3491
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8789) - you deserved it (19579)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (5368)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19003) - you deserved it (2785)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

#3462
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20487) - you deserved it (2613)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by Coley - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34501) - you deserved it (27576)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

#3430
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19210) - you deserved it (5026)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by FailBear - United States (California)

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25693) - you deserved it (2643)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

#3375
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19608) - you deserved it (5653)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by iFail - United States (California)

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

#3360
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16151) - you deserved it (2024)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by K Holed - United States (New York)



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