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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20033) - you deserved it (913)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

#3882
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6166) - you deserved it (36053)

On 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm - animals - by jf29 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

#3862
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23434) - you deserved it (1714)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by janie - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

#3854
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22876) - you deserved it (2226)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:57pm - work - by thatsillegal - United States (New York)

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

#3846
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19739) - you deserved it (1848)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I thought I was giving a woman the orgasm of a lifetime until I realized that she was telling me to stop pulling her hair. FML

#3826
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7695) - you deserved it (29670)

On 01/30/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Hubris - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

#3797
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14921) - you deserved it (3826)

On 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

#3779
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4876) - you deserved it (35695)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by teeth - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

#3778
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14278) - you deserved it (2179)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

#3770
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22357) - you deserved it (5423)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by RollieCollieUSA - United States (Illinois)

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

#3757
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20158) - you deserved it (922)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:05pm - health - by ihateeverything - United States (New York)

Today, I interviewed for a call center job making $13/hr, the only job where they called back. I used to live in a doorman luxury apartment in Manhattan with a prime skyline view and clubhouse. That was last month. FML

#3730
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25099) - you deserved it (7194)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:19am - money - by Banker - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

#3715
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (1529)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by Ren - United States (Illinois)



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