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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

#5419
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35226) - you deserved it (1744)

On 02/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by asdf - United States (Washington)

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

#5393
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (8535)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by JD (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13636) - you deserved it (59074)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

#5320
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38255) - you deserved it (7041)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by a-non (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

#5208
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28599) - you deserved it (1922)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:25am - love - by bewitched and bothered - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

#5189
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14721) - you deserved it (45719)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:56am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

#5134
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22705) - you deserved it (5507)

On 02/02/2009 at 6:04am - love - by unbelievable - United States (California)

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26992) - you deserved it (3279)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

#5128
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (3701)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:41am - love - by Noname - United States (Alabama)

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

#5127
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22518) - you deserved it (2665)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Xpresss - United States (California)

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

#5105
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28783) - you deserved it (2179)

On 02/02/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by a268 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

#5069
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42212) - you deserved it (6327)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by rained - Hong Kong

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

#5060
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16731) - you deserved it (6213)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm - animals - by Noname - United States (Nebraska)



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