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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

#5134
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22692) - you deserved it (5506)

On 02/02/2009 at 6:04am - love - by unbelievable - United States (California)

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26984) - you deserved it (3277)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

#5128
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22814) - you deserved it (3701)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:41am - love - by Noname - United States (Alabama)

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

#5127
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22515) - you deserved it (2663)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Xpresss - United States (California)

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

#5105
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28775) - you deserved it (2177)

On 02/02/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by a268 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

#5069
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42203) - you deserved it (6327)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by rained - Hong Kong

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

#5060
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16729) - you deserved it (6213)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm - animals - by Noname - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

#5051
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19869) - you deserved it (4449)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:22pm - animals - by mikep - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response: "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

#4982
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11665) - you deserved it (21823)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by beckbr - United States (Michigan)

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

#4977
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34562) - you deserved it (1888)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

#4954
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14283) - you deserved it (2447)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:11pm - work - by fonsui - United States (New York)

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

#4944
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21303) - you deserved it (4537)

On 02/01/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by achtung - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

#4884
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (1577)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by Chakkamofo - United States (Oregon)



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