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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

#5087899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8477) - you deserved it (64087)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

#5087862
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45876) - you deserved it (3347)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:12pm - money - by effmylife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

#5087791
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16730) - you deserved it (50061)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

#5086359
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11862) - you deserved it (43229)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

#5086077
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73463) - you deserved it (6318)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

#5086042
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45364) - you deserved it (4027)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm - love - by me (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

#5085622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34458) - you deserved it (11460)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

#5082390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44467) - you deserved it (2173)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60238) - you deserved it (8904)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

#5081613
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33136) - you deserved it (5054)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm - misc - by asdfjkl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47327) - you deserved it (3685)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

#5079880
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36588) - you deserved it (6356)

On 09/06/2009 at 11:04am - love - by beccaj_ilh (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

#5079385
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34222) - you deserved it (5521)

On 09/06/2009 at 10:21am - work - by boohoo (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)



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