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Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

#250132
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70640) - you deserved it (4291)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

#249952
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44576) - you deserved it (8081)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by McChunky =( - United States (California)

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

#249520
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87376) - you deserved it (3539)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Chops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

#249390
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51796) - you deserved it (3728)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#249220
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41946) - you deserved it (10711)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Abandoned (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

#248293
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45389) - you deserved it (4741)

On 03/09/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by frosho (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50846) - you deserved it (10553)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

#247185
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47264) - you deserved it (2279)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

ohmygolly's comment : You know I'm in love with this chick Because it seems we really click There's no room for doubt I think I'll ask her out Wait... did you say she has a dick?

See all the comments →

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

#245374
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59845) - you deserved it (18351)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

#245096
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44795) - you deserved it (36596)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

#245062
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57214) - you deserved it (16001)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm - misc - by poop - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

#244881
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53120) - you deserved it (10146)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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