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Man or woman?

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

#6166479
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28360) - you deserved it (2530)

On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

#6165899
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37642) - you deserved it (2992)

On 11/05/2009 at 10:26am - misc - by aqua88 (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

#6165427
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (6434)

On 11/05/2009 at 9:22am - health - by HairyBoobs (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

#6164199
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18967) - you deserved it (3013)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:25am - intimacy - by Cate (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

#6164155
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29136) - you deserved it (5906)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:12am - love - by scumbag (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the new receptionist earns more than I do. I'm an undergraduate accountant and I've been working there for 2 years. Oh and I started out as the receptionist before I got a "promotion". FML

#6164042
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29561) - you deserved it (2182)

On 11/05/2009 at 4:44am - work - by hatemyjob - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML

#6163418
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35295) - you deserved it (4708)

On 11/05/2009 at 2:41am - health - by FatRunner (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

#6163003
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33575) - you deserved it (5179)

On 11/05/2009 at 1:41am - love - by dumper - United States

Today, I went for coffee with some people from work. I lined up to order behind a guy I'd only met a few times. When he paid, he dropped his wallet, and I saw that he had a picture of me cut from the company newsletter, enlarged, and taped inside his wallet. FML

#6162921
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37460) - you deserved it (3630)

On 11/05/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by CreepyPaperDoll (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

#6161509
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22690) - you deserved it (1872)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Meggie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

#6160580
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6309) - you deserved it (28926)

On 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Metime (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

#6158191
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32225) - you deserved it (3015)

On 11/04/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by RKE (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML

#6157147
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (7894)

On 11/04/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by raebay (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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