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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

#13933361
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24730) - you deserved it (3238)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

#13932750
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14274) - you deserved it (27590)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

#13930948
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38097) - you deserved it (5021)

On 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by dickwebs - Germany

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

#13930186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23172) - you deserved it (3981)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

#13929879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27090) - you deserved it (4961)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

#13927798
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19589) - you deserved it (52240)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

#13927499
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31947) - you deserved it (3514)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

#13927206
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9236) - you deserved it (33762)

On 11/21/2010 at 5:36pm - work - by BlackRavenWings - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

#13925537
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7876) - you deserved it (39481)

On 11/21/2010 at 2:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

#13925294
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33527) - you deserved it (2680)

On 11/21/2010 at 1:44pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

#13925206
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (3317)

On 11/21/2010 at 1:36pm - kids - by kaileekat517 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

#13925706
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27939) - you deserved it (8590)

On 11/21/2010 at 1:16pm - love - by rebeccacaissie - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

#13923340
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34858) - you deserved it (4772)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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