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Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

#21457054
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17114) - you deserved it (35453)

On 08/17/2015 at 4:33am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Welshite's comment : Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.

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Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

CliffyB03's comment : Then he waddled away. Waddle waddle waddle. Till the very next day.

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Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

DevilsMetsGiants's comment : You can't cure stupid

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Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

#21456831
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17629) - you deserved it (7818)

On 08/16/2015 at 7:37pm - kids - by donuts678 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

#21456823
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23395) - you deserved it (2190)

On 08/16/2015 at 7:18pm - misc - by NOOOOOO - United States

Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML

#21456805
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14659) - you deserved it (13879)

On 08/16/2015 at 6:14pm - health - by extremereviews - United States (Texas)

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

#21456695
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21251) - you deserved it (1555)

On 08/16/2015 at 12:18pm - misc - by pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

#21456687
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25677) - you deserved it (2597)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

#21456680
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (1576)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday, when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML

#21456651
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18999) - you deserved it (7605)

On 08/16/2015 at 8:39am - misc - by KeysToHappiness (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

#21456611
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22711) - you deserved it (2190)

On 08/16/2015 at 4:14am - misc - by IceWrath - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

#21456542
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (1866)

On 08/16/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by fire starter - United States (California)



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