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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

#21442664
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23734) - you deserved it (6131)

On 07/16/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by jealousgirl - United Kingdom

Dave_Davington's comment : Well, if you couldn't woman up and just tell him how you feel, you can't exactly complain when he dates other people.

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Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24161) - you deserved it (4288)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

BlackFames's comment : Stick with your story, man. That's what I always do.

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Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

#21442628
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (2048)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

missmoschner's comment : I guess he's not really your friend then. Sorry Op.

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Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

#21442569
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22493) - you deserved it (2458)

On 07/16/2015 at 1:03pm - love - by hayleediaz - United States (California)

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

#21442530
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26416) - you deserved it (1510)

On 07/16/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

#21442412
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (2185)

On 07/16/2015 at 2:56am - money - by JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - United States (California)

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

#21442166
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30846) - you deserved it (2862)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by Razz - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

#21442079
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24242) - you deserved it (2280)

On 07/15/2015 at 2:06pm - misc - by lesousterre - United States (Missouri)

Today, my musically-molested brother gave me a One Direction album for my birthday. FML

#21442047
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22630) - you deserved it (4657)

On 07/15/2015 at 1:14pm - misc - by thanks diptard (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32943) - you deserved it (2319)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

#21442016
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37760) - you deserved it (1789)

On 07/15/2015 at 11:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25147) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

#21441952
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25460) - you deserved it (2713)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Teste (man) - Spain



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