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Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17377) - you deserved it (7526)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

jmsouthe7's comment : Fucking double standard

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Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24211) - you deserved it (4224)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

MRSwick2525's comment : What a dirt bag move on his part. Hopefully you used protection OP. Get to a Doctor as soon as possible to get checked!!!

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Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20305) - you deserved it (1709)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Rosebudx's comment : Hold a bucket or trash can while sitting on the pot. And what the hell were they baking that had this effect?!

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Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17891) - you deserved it (1589)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18534) - you deserved it (2452)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

#21450797
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22788) - you deserved it (1789)

On 08/02/2015 at 9:32am - work - by FUCKFACECUNT (man) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

#21450786
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20376) - you deserved it (1896)

On 08/02/2015 at 7:39am - kids - by Wlanla (man) - Romania (Bacau)

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

#21450770
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19434) - you deserved it (2158)

On 08/02/2015 at 5:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19747) - you deserved it (2237)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22231) - you deserved it (2540)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24041) - you deserved it (1607)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States



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