Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work

boyguydudemalema's comment : sadistic little bastards !

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Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

by Connie / 06/04/2011 at 2:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm / United States / Intimacy

tigerkyle92's comment : isn't that what chat roulette is all about?

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Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

by janice / 06/03/2011 at 7:23pm / United States / Work

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 7:16pm / United States / Love

StephWALKER's comment : what a noob

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Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

by transfer / 06/03/2011 at 5:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 5:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

by ryjacs / 06/03/2011 at 4:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

by Faithy / 06/03/2011 at 2:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

by Username / 06/03/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Kids

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

by peaaaak / 06/03/2011 at 6:17am / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Intimacy

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

by xmeatballx21 / 06/03/2011 at 5:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Work

Today, my sister drove past me while i was walking home in the rain, she honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

by myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet / 06/03/2011 at 4:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous