Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2011 at 4:39pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

by Unbearable / 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

by kk / 06/25/2011 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

by muddygal / 06/25/2011 at 3:10pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

by woahheylex / 06/25/2011 at 10:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Aim4thebullseye's comment : Shit you got pizza why you mad?

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Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

by beekeke45 / 06/25/2011 at 9:39am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids

sourkrout94's comment : hahah way to go..

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Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

by Live02Dance / 06/25/2011 at 8:58am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

by suxx / 06/25/2011 at 4:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

mojojojo91's comment : Did it feel so good?

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Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

by thatguy / 06/25/2011 at 3:47am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

by cek4uytp / 06/25/2011 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

by PandaMantis / 06/25/2011 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my school year book awarded "cutest couple" to my boyfriend and I. We broke up yesterday. FML

by yearbook369 / 06/25/2011 at 12:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was supposed to go on a date. I have been playing solitaire the whole night waiting for him. Out of 15 games, I've won one. FML

by yourmomsabitch / 06/25/2011 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Geek