Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
JustinThunder's comment : Fuckin' Asshole?
Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
balest22's comment : well that's okay. I mean how would u know that though. Every1 makes mistakes like that.
by Unsanitary / 06/26/2011 at 6:32am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
kiaralove53's comment : You shouldn't force her to bathe, she is 16, let her live with everyone telling her how bad she smells.
by ugly / 06/26/2011 at 3:02am / United States / Kids
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by animallover / 06/26/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by smoothmove / 06/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went to a party and we all decided to play hide-and-go-seek despite our ages. I started counting. When I was done, I started searching and after 5 minutes of searching, I found that everyone left me. FML
by TheStripedBeatle / 06/25/2011 at 9:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by pod / 06/25/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/25/2011 at 4:39pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML
by Unbearable / 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML
by kk / 06/25/2011 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML
by muddygal / 06/25/2011 at 3:10pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation