Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

JustinThunder's comment : Fuckin' Asshole?

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Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

balest22's comment : well that's okay. I mean how would u know that though. Every1 makes mistakes like that.

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Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

by Unsanitary / 06/26/2011 at 6:32am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids

kiaralove53's comment : You shouldn't force her to bathe, she is 16, let her live with everyone telling her how bad she smells.

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Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

by ugly / 06/26/2011 at 3:02am / United States / Kids

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

by animallover / 06/26/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

by smoothmove / 06/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I went to a party and we all decided to play hide-and-go-seek despite our ages. I started counting. When I was done, I started searching and after 5 minutes of searching, I found that everyone left me. FML

by TheStripedBeatle / 06/25/2011 at 9:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

by pod / 06/25/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2011 at 4:39pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

by Unbearable / 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

by kk / 06/25/2011 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

by muddygal / 06/25/2011 at 3:10pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation