Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

by kellyem2 / 03/03/2016 at 1:21pm / Work

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

by NotBeingPaidEnough / 03/03/2016 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

by IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish / 03/03/2016 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

by okaythen / 03/02/2016 at 6:50pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

by thesixth / 03/02/2016 at 1:53pm / Kenya / Work

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2016 at 12:06am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

by tinyfeet / 03/01/2016 at 10:15pm / New Zealand / Work

Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML

by Never Been Arrested / 03/01/2016 at 4:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my boss is now so comfortable with me that she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she goes digging for gold in her nose through every conversation we have. FML

by NotHungryAnymore / 03/01/2016 at 10:46am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I got written up for coming in to work stoned. I wasn't stoned, I'm just goofy. FML

by h00tzForOsi / 02/28/2016 at 2:45am / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

by nobody / 02/27/2016 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2016 at 6:17am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific degree was wasted, because apparently, I don't qualify for a job at the place that told me I had to have that degree. FML

by BlueyedKat / 02/27/2016 at 1:03am / United States (Texas) / Work