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Man or woman?

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

#2073535
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46756) - you deserved it (2505)

On 05/19/2009 at 3:46am - work - by AntSimo (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

#2044978
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9269) - you deserved it (48610)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML

#2008725
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61548) - you deserved it (18283)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60997) - you deserved it (5614)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

#2001814
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47024) - you deserved it (7827)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:20am - work - by blairheir721 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

#1958441
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39252) - you deserved it (6242)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

#1957441
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41375) - you deserved it (2353)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

#1935923
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34685) - you deserved it (3160)

On 05/14/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by overlandparkmommie (woman) - United States

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23986) - you deserved it (51184)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

#1925712
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52999) - you deserved it (14797)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

#1902044
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50631) - you deserved it (3327)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, while teaching English in Korea, my boss gave me a birthday present from her and all of my co-workers. It was a really fancy box. It had very nice wrapping. It had a pretty bow. It was kind of heavy. It was 6 bottles of dandruff shampoo. FML

#1892907
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43944) - you deserved it (7785)

On 05/13/2009 at 12:39am - work - by eslteacher (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

#1873623
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71315) - you deserved it (13363)

On 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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