Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

by TooQuick / 04/27/2016 at 8:19am / Mozambique (Maputo) / Work

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2016 at 6:39am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML

by TheLifguard95 / 04/26/2016 at 7:49pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

by CANTTAKEMORE / 04/26/2016 at 6:24pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

by checkthelabel / 04/25/2016 at 8:00pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

by tired waitress / 04/25/2016 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

by AcademicAdvisor / 04/25/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

by Fuck's sake! / 04/24/2016 at 9:34pm / Singapore / Work

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

by need new job / 04/24/2016 at 2:12pm / Germany / Work

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

by schnegg / 04/23/2016 at 1:33pm / Switzerland / Work

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2016 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Work