Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

by Branman2480 / 09/19/2011 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

by RebekahBrooke / 09/17/2011 at 1:13pm / United States / Work

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

by Mandy / 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

by Help / 09/16/2011 at 12:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

by MrTandy / 09/15/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

by Hreyes / 09/15/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML

by thatsmejl / 09/15/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

by Tancred / 09/15/2011 at 3:36am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

by kareltje / 09/14/2011 at 2:50pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 11:47am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

by Brian B / 09/13/2011 at 2:14pm / United States / Work

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 1:53am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

by pea / 09/12/2011 at 2:32pm / United States / Work