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Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

#8576368
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (5247)

On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by meaganlea (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

#8580387
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14962) - you deserved it (5983)

On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by car_FAILure (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

#8565371
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (6698)

On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

#8474459
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26999) - you deserved it (2169)

On 02/20/2010 at 10:05am - work - by Nik - United States (Michigan)

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

#8468411
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24426) - you deserved it (3274)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:29am - work - by underachiever (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

#8458857
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21506) - you deserved it (2024)

On 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm - work - by monochromatic - United States (New York)

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

#8406853
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10186) - you deserved it (33659)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:41pm - work - by prisonbitch - United States

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

#8395812
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (3448)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:31am - work - by buttcrack (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

#8372297
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22423) - you deserved it (10006)

On 02/17/2010 at 11:32am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

#8369327
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21386) - you deserved it (2597)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:50am - work - by ugamayne - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was pulling a car out of the shop where I work, when I tried to go over a small snow bank to park it. What I didn't realize was the snow had turned into solid ice, and it broke the front bumper cover. It's going to cost $1000 to fix it and I also had to call the owner. FML

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

#8336704
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7313) - you deserved it (27785)

On 02/16/2010 at 11:43am - work - by alex (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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