Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

by hannaslifesucks / 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

by XoXonedirectionXoXo / 06/23/2012 at 6:21pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML

by lynn / 06/22/2012 at 12:14pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

by me / 06/22/2012 at 3:28am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

by daddy'sgirl / 06/21/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

by notanidiot / 06/20/2012 at 8:46am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

by hc11bmd / 06/19/2012 at 1:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2012 at 3:00am / United States / Work

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

by Adam Jensen / 06/18/2012 at 12:39am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

by Megan / 06/17/2012 at 3:38pm / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Work

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2012 at 4:50am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Work

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

by lonelyharts86 / 06/13/2012 at 10:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Nevada) / Work