Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

#6378315
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7565) - you deserved it (30235)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14166) - you deserved it (4471)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

#6374426
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21681) - you deserved it (1712)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

#6353474
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22110) - you deserved it (2100)

On 11/18/2009 at 11:45am - work - by GiWi (man) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

#6351075
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (1740)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

#6348891
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6921) - you deserved it (25642)

On 11/17/2009 at 10:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

#6342558
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20249) - you deserved it (8572)

On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

#6338943
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33114) - you deserved it (3670)

On 11/17/2009 at 6:16am - work - by Paramedic (man) - United Kingdom (Rochdale)

Today, I started my first day as a security guard. After spending three years and $30,000 to become a commercial pilot, only to be told on my yearly medical that I suddenly have type 1 diabetes, and will never fly again. FML

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

#6328557
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (1897)

On 11/16/2009 at 4:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

#6325023
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21566) - you deserved it (1846)

On 11/16/2009 at 10:14am - work - by tsu3 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

#6323908
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21782) - you deserved it (3283)

On 11/16/2009 at 5:40am - work - by bakergirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to "close my legs and stop checking out her man". FML



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: